Its nearly been 2 weeks since Ive heard from him. She expressed to us (before this happened) that if we really knew her we wouldnt love her. I have lived this. . He calls me a bully. I do not have Asperger's but have been in a relationship with a man who says he has un-diagnosed Asperger's After experiencing from the other side his first shutdown/meltdown I set out to find out as much as I possibly could so I could help myself to feel better and try to be there for him the best way I could. I just want it to work out but Im afraid after reading a lot of these posts it will never get better and I dont want to accept it. With the pressure off of them to perform to the NT standards, they have less anxiety and a bit more time to actually consider the outcome of their behavior. This is one of the things that leads me to think he has Aspergers/ASD. We are on day 3 of no talking. I hope you dont blame yourself for anything that happened and have found it in you to move on. It is going to take me awhile to pick up all the destruction he left behind.. he has caused us so many problems .. to me it is not worth staying or fighting because they cant change long term.. they are who they are.. we will be the ones that have to change everything to be with them and Im not interested in spending the rest of my life on egg shells.. you should consider the same.. you will live a life of constant rejection.. nobody deserves that.. Im reading the comments, all of them are close to my reality and yours is the closest. Ghosting can happen in any interpersonal relationshipbut in the realm of dating, the term is typically used when someone you have been talking to or dating suddenly stops responding to messages or calls without any explanation. Then notice when there is an opening and offer to listen instead of desperately try to discuss how you feel. These people need a government health warning stamped on their head. He was socially awkward but I loved that. Be yourselfstop toning it down..because you cannot as you say keep it up. I said I'd like to check in and see how she is feeling and tell her how I feel. I started feeling like a puzzle piece that anyone could fill if they were OK with parallel play and doing what he wants to do all weekend. Dear Aysha, it is best if someone local completes the evaluation. Unfortunately many use the silent treatment to get away from the distress and never return to resolve the problem with the other person. You found this person who seemed to you like this treasure hidden in plain sight. She's keeping this private. I don't know is the answer. I'm guessing they do most of the talking and initiative, such as inviting you to places, etc, you feel left out and not in control so your interest may simply die out. Then do not mask in the beginning. I know its hard but no one is entitled to hurt others. 4 4.Why Do Aspies - Wives and Partners of Aspies - Aspergers; 5 5.Aspie Shutdown and Withdrawal: Dealing with Sudden Emotional 6 6.Aspie dumped me out of the blue - why so sudden? If you want to try with him again he will most likely not comply, but If he is stop open to it you will need to chill out, do not be critical of him in any way, do not ask for anything, do not pressure him to do activities, do not contact him unless its to offer him something of comfort, and everything has to seem like his idea so pose things you want in a way that will allow him to come to his own conclusions. Doesnt do check ins or check ups on me. wow it sounds like Im reading about my self. He went through a period when he did not know what to do with his life, I tried to help but became frustrated with both the lack of direction as well as the lack of communication. That day has come, sad as it is but Im loosing myself and getting nothing back!! The aspie detects an approaching change in the relationship; perhaps you're talking about moving in, having children or maybe you're simply becoming assertive about routines; tea times, household chores or furniture placement. Here I was left with 2 babies. Its a continue process and its been a week and it feels like he doesnt want to text or call me anymore but he does say he loves me and even made baby names for our future with me. With Aspie, its a lack of awareness and understanding which leads to aggitation ending in .. disappointment. To try and understand him better. I chose to stop talking to my ex spouse/ASD once I decided to get a divorce. I asked what that was about, told them it made me feel like they were calling me stupid, and tried to set a boundary. When I ended up things I believed he would continue to live under a rock and now it annoys me to see him as this fun, social, new person that I desperately wanted him to be while being with me. Ive had the extraordinary experience of starting a fledgling romance with an aspie recently. %. I guess I just needed to vent to people who know what I'm going through. If you can get out, do it. I too am dating an Aspie. But she completely cut me off. He told me upfront when we started dating that he was an Aspie. to uphold their unintentional abuse behaviors. Every time we would bring it up she would shut us down with a meltdown or silence. Was he an aspie? Ive expressed Im aware of whats happening but that I dont know where it leaves us now. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. Hello , Im so appreciative of these sites as it really does help knowing others understand, and I am in NO WAY being detrimental to Aspies, Ive tried soooooo hard to make it work but unless its reciprocated, it never will, and as this platform says Aspies are individuals but all see to have the main traits needed for a loving relationship but I wish all those tying good luck!!! Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. my partner of 7 years is not selfish at all, but his lack of empathy , his sensitivity to me talking a bit loud sounds ten times louder to him.he says Im shouting and Im not, of course then you do shout. And of course its less complex/awkward with friends than any kind of romantic relationship with the opposite sex(or same sex if you're gay I suppose). So they offer logical explanations and when those dont work, they often resort to the silent treatment. It's been a long time since you posted so I hope you are no longer with him. In a rare reply to my texts last week he said he needs to be left alone to regain his sanity. I suspect my husband is an undiagnosed aspie. I barely have had any answers from him other than I will be better without him and that he doesnt want me to be unhappy and loves me too much to see me hurting like this. I reached to a good friend of his and he too could not get a hold of him so I know it's not personal. Nothing gets through to him , but he is not a mean nor angry person. We know that many problems cannot be fixed. It was during that process we realized that my husband is ASD, likely Aspergers. I dont want to be ignorant Im just trying to understand. Just to take some of the pressure off him and telling him to take all the time and space he needs while assuring him that I was calm and here for him when he is ready. We would come back home and he was wasted ordering excessive junk food and eating it all while watching TV (i watched in disgust), not even noticing if I existed and constantly falling asleep on the couch. Now of course it is like we lost her completely. They even take their friendship beyond the office and talk about the bike rides they went on or the other activities they did together. Of course he is breaking a promise to you to be faithful, but more importantly he fails to understand how hurtful his behavior is to you. He asked me a month before, how are you feeling about me and my behavior. Any updates? They can still learn to be better people, just like everyone else. My aspie husband took a very harsh decision to divorce me within couple of months of marriage without assigning any reason. You friend treated you differently from the others because you were much more important to him than all others. Not respecting boundaries. Many of us with Aspergers grew up with family members who we couldn't trust and when a parent is one of those, a lot of our issues go underground, in which case we won't be sharing with you the straw that broke the camel's back, and we will seem very mysterious (not in a good way). Love You. Determined to do everything right, you did what you do and dove in head first. I lost everything including me x, My Aspergers partner walked out on me and our 2yr old son last week but before hand we was talking about our future together, he made me a love song which he sang on his hands and knees, he took me to expensive restaurant to treat me But then he stayed out at his parents where his dad is dying from cancer and he came back in a mood with me, I asked him for hug and told him I had missed him he pushed me away and said he doesnt want a hug from me and that it feels weird touching me and that he cant take it no more, he put that he was single on Facebook I give him something to eat and left him alone, next day he woke up he didnt calm down over night instead he got his clothes and left us and went back to his parents and now hes saying he doesnt love me or want to be with me but if this was true why did he do all that he did for me just the other week before he left. My husband also has many of these traits. So I asked, so its okay for you to do that to others, but others cant do that to you? And they said Yes. I told them that was hypocritical and they didnt have anything to say but were mad as hell. You have to have no feelings to survive this. All this while also catering to and coddling the ASD partner like a child as to never upset him. In fact, their mind may be totally blank. I have no words. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Or the conversation may never come, out of the Aspie fear they will be overwhelmed again. As far as Today With Hoda and Jenna, cohost Jenna Bush Hager was joined by Sheinelle Jones and Willie Geist. I did approach him with what I had researched but he was totally insulted. He got upset that i had a credit card he didnt know aboutim a 36 year old woman! He said he had a friend who just got his diagnosis and that he recognized the traits in himself. It IS abuse. I had found someone as serious on routines as I I have anxiety and ADD so need great organisation to function properly. I tried to change the subject, and in a very charming way, she stopped on the sidewalk,looked directly in my eyes, smiled, and asked "do you like me?" He also gave me the silent treatment the who day. Almost immediately we moved in, I began to become overwhelmed with the life changes required and within a week I wanted to run. I forgive him for that but i often notice him lying about something to me. I fell into a deep pit..still there. Here he comesto yet again suck out your very souland Youbecause of trauma bond..you let them inoh my godthe times i have done this!!? Know you are not alone and others have been through this horribly emotional roller coaster ride with you. Especially when I am tired and can get very emotional. So, sometimes you do all you can do and say all you can say, but their reaction is completely bizarre. As it was the first time happening in my life it left me shook then angry so I broke up with him a couple of days later. Well we have kids (not planned) and both have autism. You might want to be careful with this. So much tension We needed a break from one another. I need him to be evaluated desperately indeed before I lose my sanity. If youre a member of the group, please register for the call to discuss The Silent Treatment on Thursday, October 6, 2016 at 2:30 PM or Thursday, October 27 at 3:00 PM. Does Aspergers skip generations? Do not marry this man. I have been. All so validating. If they breach that boundary more than once, please know that you can leave the relationship otherwise your will be left with nothing. At the back of my mind is the gnawing feeling of what if he isnt on the spectrum and is just being an uncaring selfish asshole? I'll discuss anything, and when I know change is coming, I'll get into gear for it. Ashley. Ive been married for 35 years, and cant take it anymore. (If youre a NT in an NT/AS relationship, please feel free to join this group.). I have tried for a long time but the people we saw made things worse. Click here to learn more: Next for the NT only join the Meetup group, Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD. It is always US that has to compromise Click on the image below to request a free chapter. NTs can use the silent treatment too, for very similar reasons. He hasnt spoken to me for over 2 weeks now.comes home late.sleeps on sofa.goes to work early. I have in other comments recently identified as having self-recognized (male) Aspie characteristics (and online tests I've seem to lean heavily in that direction). In fact, I think the signs were all there and his folks just never paid attention to them. 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